From Exhaustion to Compassionate Courage

If you have Feel Better. Do Better. some of these ideas will look familiar to you.  As adult learners we need lots of repetition, so don’t let familiarity breed contempt.  Be open to finding something new in a practice or resource you’ve made use of before.  What I recommend here are practices I return to time and time again.  And I’ll be doing so right alongside you this month!

Invitation #1:: The Time/Joy Diary

Lots of people suggest tracking your time to see how you spend it. But when I started tracking my time, I didn't just want to know how I spent it, I wanted to know what tasks brought me joy and energized me, and which ones mostly just drained me. So, I added emotions to my time-tracking chart.

At the time I was a professor and here's what I found. Writing felt like joy/energy. Grading ALWAYS drained me. I could work a 50-hour week if most of it was writing, I felt joyful and energized most of the time. I could work 30 hours mostly grading and you would need to scrape me off the floor to get me to the dinner table.

When I first started working as a life coach, I found that I might feel drained going into a session, but I consistently felt energized after the session. Discovering what kind of work" is an energy multiplier for me has radically changed my life.

Your time/joy diary doesn't need to be fancy. And it doesn't need to be perfect. Most often mine is barely legibly scratched onto a legal notepad. And I don't manage to record my emotions with every activity. Here's an example:

7:30-9:00 am  Writing blog post - in flow, feel energized

10:30am-2:00  - Website work - getting depressed

6:30-6:45 pm  - Scrolling on Facebook

9:00-10:00 -  Unsatisfying TV

If you like more structure you can make an excel spreadsheet or download a time tracking app as long as it has space for you to note how you feel and not just what you do. Make your own happy/sad face code. Whatever works.

If you have a copy of Feel Better. Do Better. read, or reread, Chapter 1. If you don’t have the book you can still take a few minutes to imagine the possibility that Larissa proposes in her essay - that JOY is a remedy for justice. Just bask in the glow of that possibility. If it's a sunny day, take it up a notch and actually go out in the sun and feel it soak into your skin as you imagine this possibility. What if it’s possible that JOY is a remedy for justice.  YOUR JOY.  EMBODY it.  Just for a few moments and see what happens.

Take a moment to make a list of people you know (or know of) whose lives provide evidence that you can let go of the path of misery, suffering and sacrifice and still make a positive impact on the world.  People who have families and friends they love, make good money etc. Focus on people whose lives challenge the fears that come up for you in particular, or most exemplify what you want. If you tend to think "Well, I can't to ABC because of XYZ related to identities you hold, focus on people who share identities that are important to you.

They might be alive or they may have passed on. Doesn't matter. What matters is that they provide evidence for the possibility that you, too, could let go of perpetual suffering and sacrifice and still make a positive impact in the world, still be loved, still belong, still be a good person.

Put your inspiration guides somewhere where you see them often.  Make a list of their names.  Print pictures of them. Buy books about them. Follow them on instagram. 

Invitation #4 Take a small action, something you can do in the next 5-15 minutes - something that makes use of a privilege or resource you have in a way that could move the needle just a tiny bit. Make a small donation. Sign a petition. Look up the contact info for your local City Council rep so you can contact them easily when needed. That’s it. Now pay yourself on the back. You did it.

Invitation #2:  Face your Fears - Tara Mohr defines “playing big” as being more loyal to our dreams than to our fears.”  What would it look like for you to be loyal to your dream for a more just, safe and thriving world?

Here’s a way to explore this question:    Dance for 5 minutes first, to loosen up your brain and body.

Then write down a dream or desire that you have and 1-3 fears that come up when you think of taking action towards that dream. 

Pick one fear and follow it to the end. So if that horrible thing I think might happen did happen, then what? Keep asking, “and then what?”  “and then what?” until you feel as if you got to the end.  

For example, perhaps you imagine stopping your uncle next time he makes a derogatory statement about Black people, but you’re afraid. What’s the worst thing that could happen?  Maybe he’d laugh at you. And then what? Maybe you’d start crying. And then what?

In most cases, what you’ll find is that you would survive whatever it is you’re afraid of. It might not be fun, but you can handle it.

Then ask yourself 1) How likely is it that the worst case scenario will happen 2) How can I support myself in advance? 3) How could I get support during or after it?

Dr. Amanda Kemp aka Aminate Sol Plantwalker Firewoman's podcast The Mother Tree Network is described as “a place where earth wisdom, racial justice and women's empowerment meet.” She often starts with a focus on "what's good." If you're not ready to hear messages from plants, some of the episodes might not be for you, but Episode #019 How to Rest Even if You Feel Guilty, Self-Indulgent or Way Too Busy to Pause is a pretty great reminder for anyone. 

A Book: There are so many books related to this theme that I want to recommend, but I'm going to start with The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. There are also fabulous resources related to The Artists Way online if you're not much of a book person. I don't fully own hold the identity of being an "artist," but I really appreciated the way this book offers us permission to cultivate creativity and especially to stop making "unreasonable demands" on ourselves.Item description

A Movie: Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013). Admittedly this movie stars a white dude finding himself, so if that's not your jam, skip it. It's feel-good- follow-life kind of movie, with beautiful scenery and an encouraging journey.

Article: "Mothers Don't Have to By Martyr's" New York Times - Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, M.D.

Tricia Hersey, the Nap Bishop, @thenapministry. She also has a book: Rest Is Resistance and a "Rest Deck"

A Poem

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting [emphasis mine]. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

By Mary Oliver