From Shame & Guilt to Right Action

Close-up of brown maple leaves covered in frost with a blurred winter background.

    1. What would change in your actions for racial justice if you knew deep down that you are already good?

    2. Think of a time when you had a lightbulb moment in relation to the way you’ve benefitted from whiteness, how did you feel? What did you do? As you reflect on this moment is there anything you’d tell yourself that you didn’t know then? What would you do differently, if anything?

  • Embrace the path of celebration and acknowledgement as an act of resistance to white supremacist patriarchal perfectionism—or just to make your life easier!

    One of the simplest and most important practices you can add into your daily life is celebration.  Not big celebrations, like birthdays and graduations, though those are nice, but regular little celebrations of the imperfect and seemingly unimportant accomplishments that make up your daily life. 

    I first learned about this practice from Katherine North and the work of B.J. Fogg who runs the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford, but pretty much every coach I know uses it – including me. 

    Dr. Fogg focused on celebration as a support for changing habits.  He found that it makes success in the future more likely because your body and brain feel all celebrations as being equally significant.  Big or small, celebrating feels good.  Working hard and never feeling like we're finished, doesn't.  Why would your brain and body want to cooperate with that plan? So one reason to celebrate is because it makes hard changes easier. 

    But because perfectionism is a known characteristic of white supremacist culture, celebration is also a powerful act of resistance. 

    So next time you take a small step that aligns with your values, celebrate yourself!

    Do something physical like a fist pump or jumping up and down that will let your brain and body know it's worth it to do all that hard work!  Even better, share your successes with someone else.

  • Pick a relatively “safe” person with whom you know you disagree on something, it could be related to race, but it doesn’t have to be. Invite them to have a conversation with you to help you understand their point of view. Practice listening, repeating back what you heard to check for understanding. Then thank them for sharing. That’s it. Allow yourself to notice that you survived. Celebrate that you tried regardless of how it went and bring your experience to our next Grace Gathering.

  • How Can I Have a Positive Racial Identity, I’m White? - Ali Michael

    Mini-Episode: Shock + Innocence, Feb 17, 2026 on Becoming the People - Prentis Hemphill

    There’s so much heart, nuance and wisdom in this episode I can’t recommend it enough. And the discussion of “goodness” in conversation with the You Are Already Good article this month is just the kind of challenge that supports deep and lasting growth.

  • The Body is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor. This book weaves together critique of current oppressive systems with the invitation to a very embodied radical self-love. I return to it again and again.

    The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.  This is one of her earlier books, but it’s still my favorite.  If you struggle with shame and perfectionism, it’s a great place to start.

  • @iamrashidabonds I met Rashida at a retreat and she is the embodiment of joyful, truthful activism. She’s very clear that goodness is not the goal.

  • Your great mistake is to act the drama
    as if you were alone. As if life
    were a progressive and cunning crime
    with no witness to the tiny hidden
    transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
    the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
    even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
    the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
    out your solo voice You must note
    the way the soap dish enables you,
    or the window latch grants you freedom.
    Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
    The stairs are your mentor of things
    to come, the doors have always been there
    to frighten you and invite you,
    and the tiny speaker in the phone
    is your dream-ladder to divinity.
    Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
    the conversation. The kettle is singing
    even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
    have left their arrogant aloofness and
    seen the good in you at last. All the birds
    and creatures of the world are unutterably
    themselves. Everything is waiting for you.
      -- David Whyte
      from Everything is Waiting for You
      ©2003 Many Rivers Press
     
    You can listen to two different recitations of this poem here:
    https://onbeing.org/blog/david-whyte-everything-is-waiting-for-you/
    (It’s even more powerful hearing it, I think)

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